Well...it's here. The first day of school, but this year is a little different than most. My baby is now a first grader. The days of pick-ups, pull-ups and play-dates have passed. I used to process these things way in advance and really be in the moment......the past few years I think that I have had to process so much change that I now don't really allow myself to sit in it, until that very moment that it just hurts. I will usually then spend 5-10 crying my eyes out with the Lord and then move forward. But I wish this wasn't so. I wish life didn't hurt so bad...we want, we get and then we are overwhelmed....we want, we don't get and then we are mad. Human emotions stink. Truth is.....I'm not ready for this part of my life to be over. There was so much energy wasted while my kids were little, a lot of pain and a lot of uncertainty. It doesn't seem fair. As humans we want to think that our cross is heavier than everyone else's, but I know this isn't true. I see people all around me and read about women who carry much heavier crosses than I do. In moments like that I turn my eyes up to the Lord and say thank you that you didn't choose that cross for me. Why are some people's lives riddled with death and disappointment and others who may never experience this extreme? I don't know. But what I DO know it that there is a NEW day in CHRIST.
We get to CHOOSE. Romans 8: 5-6 "Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace." Don't choose the human emotions that are governed by the flesh. The enemy looks to kill, steal and destroy and people typically that is our THOUGHT life. Don't just look at these words literally....he wants to kill our self-worth, steal our joy and destroy our families through us CHOOSING each day to live in his lies of defeat. In the lie that my days of play-dates and diaper changes are over and that I won't experience that much joy again with the goofiness of little kids...it's just not true. Our God is a God of relationships and he blesses them as they grow and that takes time...which in turn brings about change. I will have another day of play-dates and diaper changes...I may be a 60 year old grandma or it may just be reliving the joy of my children's youth through videos. Either way, I'm going to choose to see God's promises. My life verse is Romans 8:28 "And God will bring ALL things together for the GOOD of those who love God" We can't see the big picture, we are looking at the back of the tapestry; huge knots and splattered colors. But God sees the front, a beautiful woven picture of all the pieces and broken threads of our life. He PROMISES that he will work each thing out for the GOOD of those who love him. So the question to ask is not "Is God good?"...the questions to ask is "Do you love him? Do you trust him, Do you somehow believe that through death, divorce, loss of a child, that he sees the tapestry he is making and he wants to turn the knot into something beautiful.
I'm going to choose to trust him today and rest in the NEW day he has created for me.